Want to buy something from, say, ANSgear? Or some other brick-and-mortar store, you have to sign up for an account which means you need to;
Enter your email.
Use the same password you use for everything else, because seriously, are you going to remember 30 different passwords for every bullshit thing you have to sign up for?
Find out the password needs to be at least 8 characters long.
Hit the keyboard.
Add the numbers "1" or "2" until you meet the fucking quota.
Add a security questions, because people are just DYING to get in to your "Yummy Tummy Hot Dogs and Ham Emporium" account.
Enter in the bullshit captcha that doesn't work until the third time.
Go to your email provider.
Confirm your account.
Go start your order all the fuck over again because it didn't save it because It's a stupid piece of cat shit.
See? It's bullshit, I need more fucking accounts like I need an active grenade in my eye socket, and it's not like you're going to be on the edge of your seat, waiting for their shitting mailing list to send you shitty "Deals" and "Exclusive" offers, you know what I do? I block every single fucking email from my inbox, it all get's insta-trashed because fuck you for making me do that.
If you want someone to create an account to buy something from your shitty site, have the option to pay through Amazon and use my Amazon info or some shit, fucking anything but this.
And it's not just buying shit either, if you want to use 90% of apps on, say, Android, you have to sign up for a shit ton of fucking accounts just with them, because, why not, I want more stupid fucking emails from a site i used ONCE in my lifetime.
And what's the deal with businesses asking for your email and/or phone number? If I go in to a coffee shop for an overpriced coffee because I'm too snobby to go to Starbucks, why do you need my Phone Number? Eat shit, I always give them the old "555" number, they know it's fake, but they don't care, they don't even want to enforce it, they have to, because they want to track and see if you give them good reviews on Yelp or some shit.
It's not like anyone should care about Yelp anyone, it's about a bunch of privileged entitled dickwads praising large corporations for shitting all over them, and complaining how the small local place didn't have their brand of Chai.
And I'm serious about that one, I've seen reviews just like that, where people will absolutely trash a place for not having a specific brand of what-the-fuck-ever, it sickens me, and people take these reviews seriously? I take them about as seriously as Youtube comments, which is not at all, but apparently it's gospel to people who can't be spontaneous and just go somewhere without having to read reviews, sure, it may be shitty, but at least YOU know it's shitty, and not "Shitty" as in "They didn't play the latest pop/punk/emo soundtrack that you like, LOL I'm such a nerd for them!!!11"
God, I can't even concentrate, fucking Pandora keeps playing shitty pop "FEEEEEELINGS, LOOOOOVE HEEEEEEEEER OR HIIIIIIIIM, FEEEEELINGS SOOO MANY FEEEEELINGS, BEING A TEEEEEEN IS SOOOOOO HAAAAARD, BEEECAUSE LOOOOVE" GAG, fuck this noise, but of course it plays like, 8 shitty songs in a row, now I have to listen to three more, better then Youtube or 8tracks I suppose...
Anyway, everyone I mentioned above can go eat fire n' such.
Before I go, I just need to say that shit like Gangam style really needs to stop, I get it, I really, really do, it's a Korean guy doing silly things, it was funny when it came out, now you thick-skulled idiots ruined it, let it die like Slenderman, LMFAO, ect.
Please, stop ruining good things, it's all we have, you can't just come in, declare yourself a "Nerd" and call everything the internet makes interesting and just hate puke all over it.
Brings back memories, though, most of you don't know, but back in cave-man times (Circa 1990, the best decade, obviously) being a "Nerd" "Geek" or "Dork" was a social life sentance, didn't matter what you looked like, how you spoke or what else you did, you could jump over fire sharks with fricken' lasers on their heads in your back yard on your ATV and it wouldn't matter, you were basically fucked for a good number of years, now, of course, everyone's a "Nerd" "LOL, I USE THE INTERNET AND I POST SHITTY MEMES I FOUND ON 9GAG BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A SCARED BITCH TO LURK ON THE BOORUS LOL, SUCH A NERD!!!!"
But that's fine, you can all come over here to our domain and shit around and act like you've been here all the time, we know you're only here to be "Cool" like the other sheep who do whatever it is their peers do, that's all fine, because we know when the inevitable "Punk" scene comes back, the whole heard will wander over there, and everything will be right in the world.
Or go Amish, that would be cool too-for fucks sake, Pandora, do I really look like a Limpbizkit fan to you? Eat shit and die, fucking box.
God damn, I'm not even done with these forms I have to fill out.
And that's another thing, fuck you and your "Fax" machine, seriously, fuck it to hell, throw it out, it's stupid and bullshit.
You know what I love doing? I love typing up a three page long novel of paper work.
Putting it in the Fax machine, dialing the phone, watch the machine eat the paper and force the guy on the other end to reprint what I just sent him.
You know what would be e-fucking emails, seriously, people, it's the Year 2012, if you force me to fax shit to your business for any reason, I'm going to light every one of your fax machines on fire, every god damn one of them, yeah, I know it's another "Oh no, Wolfwood is ranting about fire world problems hurp deer" Have you ever used a Fax machine? Their fucking bullshit, go try and find one, go on, find one, now try to send a piece of paper to some poor sod who also happens to have a Fax Machine, can't find anyone with a Fax machine? Me neither, you have to ask the two owners left in the world.
I'm emailing you this shit, and you're ass can print it out, I'm not going to waste the ink from OUR printer just to waste ink from YOUR fax machine, it's inefficient and silly, and no one should have to deal with that, you know how much money you could save of Fax machines and Fax ink/toner? Enough to buy a shitty computer with a shitty printer to print out whatever the fuck you wanted faxed.
End of First World Problem rant, but the beginning of something greater.
This post has been edited by Wolfwood: 18 October 2012 - 03:33 AM