Cluster fuck in my mind Probably another bad rant
Posted 08 July 2012 - 01:43 AM
Well let's start out here shall we?
So, I'm just a normal guy living a normal life or so it would seem. There's a lot of things that people ( friends family ) don't know about me, since I'm a quiet person and don't really like to talk about what goes on in my cluster fuck of a brain. A couple things before I go on, my dad died in 02, I was 6. Not an easy thing to handle for a 6 year old I know and i got through it but it haunts me to this day. ( keep that in mind ) I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed out about something that's going on in that point in my life. When I can't sleep I begin to think, which is not a good thing because it leads to anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. This all adds up and then I get thoughts of "why me" "why couldn't this of happened to someone else." (directed towards the death of my dad) Then I keep thinking. My life would be so much better if I was dead, why can't I be dead. That is all bullshit. Suicide is a terrilbe thing I fucking know that but what pisses me off is that my mind fucks with me telling me it's fine, do it, it's an easy way out. Am I suicidal? No. Mentally unstable? plausible.
I have a great fucking life. I have many close friends and a girl who will soon be my girlfriend and everything is fine. Yet what I don't understand is that why these thoughts always come back. They really knock me down a couple pegs and somedays will be fine and somedays I'll be down in the dirt not able to come up. Maybe I am just overthinking this situation and need to take a "chill pill" also known as the "shut the fuck up I'm trying to think pill." ( I'm thinking that at this point, you as the reader don't understand anything I've said and I apologize I'll try to edit this tomorrow with a clear mind.) So Tech Pb I bid you a farewell.
TL;DR: Fuck off dingleberry
P.S. I feel a lot better after this.
NOTE TO ANY MOD THAT READS THIS: If I in anyway broke a forum rule during this rant please lock it, give me warn, do what you have to do. Just needed to vent and get my head straight.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 01:54 AM
I am a student to student counselor, and by no means the best, but you might need to vent to a person that is close to you. This is obviously bothering you greatly, and there is something you can't get past.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:28 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 07:28 AM
But I have to say man, you might want to have a conversation with someone close (your girl, or family members) because as its obviously bugging you, it's taking a tole on your life.
I know I'm assuming, but because of the rant, and how you stated that your having problems sleeping, you might even want to go a step further and see a psychologist.
And I know, how most people don't want to see a psychologist, but when my father had a heart attack (3-4 years ago, I had just turned 10 or 11) I said I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not a psychologist. But my mon, (as intelligent as she is) got my talking to my "dads doctor" about stuff (she really was a psychologist) and I felt better at the end.
But really, suicide is that one taboo place in your mind m, and sometimes you may wander their, but just remember, it's taboo!
TL;DR: talk with close people, maybe see a psychologist because it helps. Suicide = taboo.
This post has been edited by Blade of grass: 08 July 2012 - 07:29 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 10:59 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 01:16 PM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 04:34 PM
Many high schools have support groups that meet for students who have lost a family member; if this is offered at your school, I suggest you try it out. You don't even have to say anything; just hearing that other people are going through the same thing will probably help you. Alternately, you can probably find online support forums as well.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 07:05 PM
Posted 09 July 2012 - 09:25 AM
So yeah, my life is fucked, I'll never be normal, and believe me, I've thought of kicking the bucket a couple of times, (Yeah, even at 14) but, I can tell you one thing. IT ALWAYS GETS BETTER.
I am also very resistant to counseling, my adoption parents tried to get me a counselor, but that kind of shit didnt work for me. I just had to make a conscious choice: live life to the fullest. Go out there, be confident, talk to people, because being the quiet one is the worst, being drowned in your thoughts, I do it all the time. But I just got to remember that tommorow I'll make it the best day ever. somehow, someway, make life awesome.
That's all I've got. I've been in your position, I know how tough it is,But you just have to drown those thoughts out with good ones, make life happy, live with no regrets. Hope this helps man.