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#1 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:02 PM

Techpb Mike is held in very high esteem around here (for obvious reasons), and I thought it would be funny to start a thread where people could post reasons why. In order to grow the legend of the Paintball Giant, Techpb Mike, please come up with your best reasons why Techpb Mike is the best... but do it in a "Chuck Norris" style.

I've come up with the following just to get people started, and give them an idea of what I'm talking about:

-Paintballs break all the time on Techpb Mike, even .50cal. That's because he's so ripped, there's no flab on him anywhere for anything to bounce on.

-Techpb Mike once played paintball without a mask on. The one time a paintball flew at his face, he sneezed, and the paintball flew back towards the shooter and eliminated him. He now plays with a mask, not for HIS protection, but for ours.

-Techpb Mike once tried playing a game with nothing but an overbored barrel as a blowgun. He switched back to his SP1 when the refs found out that he couldn't get his blowgun to chrono at less than 1500fps.

All right, now let's hear YOUR best "Techpb Mike-isms".


Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#2 ConradNorCal

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:04 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups he pushes the earth down.


#3 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:05 PM

Techpb Mike is held in very high esteem around here (for obvious reasons), and I thought it would be funny to start a thread where people could post reasons why. In order to grow the legend of the Paintball Giant, Techpb Mike, please come up with your best reasons why Techpb Mike is the best... but do it in a "Chuck Norris" style.

I've come up with the following just to get people started, and give them an idea of what I'm talking about:

-Paintballs break all the time on Techpb Mike, even .50cal. That's because he's so ripped, there's no flab on him anywhere for anything to bounce on.

-Techpb Mike once played paintball without a mask on. The one time a paintball flew at his face, he sneezed, and the paintball flew back towards the shooter and eliminated him. He now plays with a mask, not for HIS protection, but for ours.

-Techpb Mike once tried playing a game with nothing but an overbored barrel as a blowgun. He switched back to his SP1 when the refs found out that he couldn't get his blowgun to chrono at less than 1500fps.

All right, now let's hear YOUR best "Techpb Mike-isms".




Oh, and don't bother saying, "First". Even if you post that before Mike, his First will always beat yours out.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#4 jdlarson11

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:05 PM

Sharks have Techpb-Mike Week

#5 rider700

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:07 PM

Sharks have Techpb-Mike Week


Lol genius.

#6 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:08 PM

Techpb Mike's tried reviewing the latest Impulse. When it broke a paintball on him, he cursed it, and Smart Parts went out of business the next day.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#7 ConradNorCal

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:09 PM


Techpb Mike is held in very high esteem around here (for obvious reasons), and I thought it would be funny to start a thread where people could post reasons why. In order to grow the legend of the Paintball Giant, Techpb Mike, please come up with your best reasons why Techpb Mike is the best... but do it in a "Chuck Norris" style.

I've come up with the following just to get people started, and give them an idea of what I'm talking about:

-Paintballs break all the time on Techpb Mike, even .50cal. That's because he's so ripped, there's no flab on him anywhere for anything to bounce on.

-Techpb Mike once played paintball without a mask on. The one time a paintball flew at his face, he sneezed, and the paintball flew back towards the shooter and eliminated him. He now plays with a mask, not for HIS protection, but for ours.

-Techpb Mike once tried playing a game with nothing but an overbored barrel as a blowgun. He switched back to his SP1 when the refs found out that he couldn't get his blowgun to chrono at less than 1500fps.

All right, now let's hear YOUR best "Techpb Mike-isms".




Oh, and don't bother saying, "First". Even if you post that before Mike, his First will always beat yours out.


Fail, I posted before you could post your post to stop people from posting first. Luckily for you, I'm too elite to post "First" in my posts that happen to be the first after the OP.

Edited by ConradNorCal, 19 August 2010 - 08:12 PM.



#8 TheGuy

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:11 PM

the street named after Mike Phillips had to be changed because NOBODY would dare to cross Mike Phillips
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#9 3migo

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:11 PM

Techpb-Mike is the life of parties he's never even attended

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#10 BEASTY

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:13 PM

Holy fanboy thread!

















































:dodgy:

What you NEED to do is mark your territory, Pee on/in the WHOLE school. I mean EVERYWHERE just SOAK IT.

↔↔ Beasty Barrel Socks ↔↔ 46/0/0↔↔


#11 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:15 PM

Holy fanboy thread!

Posted Image



Really? Or are we making fun of Techpb Mike fanboys? Hmmmm??? Which is it?

Relax. It's all in good fun.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#12 chappinpaint

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:17 PM

techpb mike can shoot a paintball 300fps through a straw

i sigged myself once


#13 SuperSpartan617

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:19 PM

TechPB Mike is the ONE.
Silver/Black Marq 6 F/S/T
http://www.techpb.co...howtopic=216237

#14 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:19 PM

Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#15 BEASTY

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:23 PM


Holy fanboy thread!

Posted Image



Really? Or are we making fun of Techpb Mike fanboys? Hmmmm??? Which is it?

Relax. It's all in good fun.


I'd prove your theory invalid...but I'm to tired...

Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.


Sigged

What you NEED to do is mark your territory, Pee on/in the WHOLE school. I mean EVERYWHERE just SOAK IT.

↔↔ Beasty Barrel Socks ↔↔ 46/0/0↔↔


#16 paintballjohn

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 08:38 PM

Sharks have Techpb-Mike Week

You totally stole that from the "stay thirsty my friends" commercial!!
Sure you can fight, but it is our wits that make us men.

#17 SpikeWesker

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:10 PM

when playing front, Superman does Mike slides to the zipper...

in late 1991, Mike beated Russian Legion 5 on 1, ending the cold war single handedly...

Mike can blow into a tank and fill it up to 2700 psi... a scuba tank that is...

Monsterballs are afraid of Mike

Edited by SpikeWesker, 19 August 2010 - 09:22 PM.


#18 wingmasterjr

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:10 PM

Techpb Mike beat up chuck norris
how did he do it he saved a rocks life and threw a ion B)
Posted Image Techpbs #1 furry was here....

#19 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:11 PM

When playing in the woods, Techpb Mike wears padding... NOT to protect his elbows and knees from rocks and trees, but to protect the rocks and trees from Mike.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#20 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:14 PM

Do you know how Optimus Prime was born? Mike jizzed (a better word then I was thinking of) inside a Peter Builts engine and Optimus Prime was born.... (Don't ban me for that lol)

Edited by pirhana92, 19 August 2010 - 09:15 PM.


#21 illegal immigrant

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:16 PM

this thread fails.

Posted Image
Life aint like a box of chocolates, its more like a pound of Jalapeno's, What you do today will burn your arse tomorrow...

side note: my blazer rules.
if you live in vancouver,BC, i encourage you to pm so we can ball it up.

#22 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:18 PM

At big scenarios, Techpb Mike wears pie plates and uses the tank rules.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#23 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:18 PM

this thread fails.

Posted Image

NOU!!

Do you know how that boat got tipped over? Mike pushed it over....

#24 nickp

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:23 PM

Mikes pretty badass especially if you can take a knife all the way the bone. Chuck is a pussy compared to mike.
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#25 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:25 PM


this thread fails.

Posted Image

NOU!!

Do you know how that boat got tipped over? Mike pushed it over....


That's awesome. Nice turnabout.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#26 SpikeWesker

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:26 PM

mike's hair didn't fall off... he just got over it...



#27 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:29 PM

Mike once once swolled a ion, and crapped out an sls, yes...he's that awesome.... wow I suck at this...

Edited by pirhana92, 19 August 2010 - 09:31 PM.


#28 one shot- one kill

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:30 PM

the apex tip doesnt really work, Mike just tells the balls to have backspin and they do

#29 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:32 PM

Mike once swallowed an Nt and crapped out a PMR, that has no kick....

Edited by pirhana92, 19 August 2010 - 09:35 PM.


#30 The Count

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:33 PM

Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.


I honestly didn't expect a whole lot out of this thread, but I enjoy this one.


#31 illegal immigrant

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:36 PM

this is fanboyism to the max/sucking up to the max...



this thread is so full of fail....

I wont even bother elaborating....just so full of fail....
Life aint like a box of chocolates, its more like a pound of Jalapeno's, What you do today will burn your arse tomorrow...

side note: my blazer rules.
if you live in vancouver,BC, i encourage you to pm so we can ball it up.

#32 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:37 PM

this is fanboyism to the max/sucking up to the max...



this thread is so full of fail....

I wont even bother elaborating....just so full of fail....

I'm doing it for the lawls, I'm no Mike fanboy, and I think you are just hatin cause you can't think of any good jokes :P

#33 CHIpballer623

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:41 PM

Im not clever at all so I cant think of anything.

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#34 nickp

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:42 PM

this is fanboyism to the max/sucking up to the max...



this thread is so full of fail....

I wont even bother elaborating....just so full of fail....


honestly gonna say something here. Making techpb and and reviewing guns for us im thankful for but this isn't what I like about mike the most. I like mike for the fact that he is a good person. I'm jealous that he seems to have a nice family, a good wife, and looks like hes a good father. Fanboy maybe but its a good thing.
Posted Image
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#35 bigballa

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:49 PM

Mike isn't bald by choice...his hair was burned off in his awe
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13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

#36 CHIpballer623

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:50 PM

Mike isnt really tall, it just seems like that because everyone bows down to him.

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#37 chappinpaint

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:50 PM

hey nickp did u know techpb mike can do a barrel roll

i sigged myself once


#38 bigballa

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:52 PM


this is fanboyism to the max/sucking up to the max...



this thread is so full of fail....

I wont even bother elaborating....just so full of fail....


honestly gonna say something here. Making techpb and and reviewing guns for us im thankful for but this isn't what I like about mike the most. I like mike for the fact that he is a good person. I'm jealous that he seems to have a nice family, a good wife, and looks like hes a good father. Fanboy maybe but its a good thing.


Agreed. Mike seems to know his stuff, so in return, I'm a fan
Posted Image
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

#39 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:54 PM

Mike isnt really tall, it just seems like that because everyone bows down to him.

Win

#40 CHIpballer623

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:55 PM


Mike isnt really tall, it just seems like that because everyone bows down to him.

Win

B)

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#41 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:57 PM

this is fanboyism to the max/sucking up to the max...



this thread is so full of fail....

I wont even bother elaborating....just so full of fail....


Are you trying to say that everyone who thinks up a good Chuck Norris line is a Chuck Norris fanboy? It's not about fanboyism, it's about trying to come up with something funny, with Techpb Mike as the joke's hook. I'm not sure everyone's getting it, but the people who do seem to be having a lot more fun.
Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#42 nickp

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 09:58 PM

hey nickp did u know techpb mike can do a barrel roll


barrel roll into snake fuck yes he can!


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#43 one shot- one kill

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:07 PM



Mike isnt really tall, it just seems like that because everyone bows down to him.

Win

Posted Image



+1 winPosted Image

agg is just a term used for all those lower than mike. (except sticktodrum, youre agg and as good as mike in your comedic ways, and your beast on drums too)

mike can shoot a ninja with a paintballPosted Image splat

thats all i got for now

#44 oldnewb

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:11 PM

agg is just a term used for all those lower than mike. (except sticktodrum, youre agg and as good as mike in your comedic ways, and your beast on drums too)

mike can shoot a ninja with a paintballPosted Image splat

thats all i got for now


That's okay. I liked that one of yours about the Apex tip.

Edited by oldnewb, 19 August 2010 - 10:11 PM.

Techpb Mike doesn't use Trojan Magnum extra large condoms 'cause he doesn't believe in underboring.

Techpb Mike doesn't hide behind cover. Instead, he shoots down incoming paintballs.

#45 Tribs

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:13 PM

Posted Image

What is this I don't even...

#46 pirhana92

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:22 PM

Posted Image

What is this I don't even...

Picture fail

#47 spaz24

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:23 PM


Posted Image

What is this I don't even...

Picture fail



mike told it to leave
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#48 schnips

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:40 PM

Armageddon will be when Mike Phillips does battle with Ed Rieker.

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#49 CWiL130

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:45 PM

Mike leaves bruises on monster balls when they hit him
Posted Image<Ump he wiped!!!)

#50 Fupa562

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Posted 19 August 2010 - 10:53 PM

Mike built the hospital he was born in.


Mike won a staring contest with medusa.




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