Cluster fuck in my mind
Posted 08 July 2012 - 01:43 AM
Well let's start out here shall we?
So, I'm just a normal guy living a normal life or so it would seem. There's a lot of things that people ( friends family ) don't know about me, since I'm a quiet person and don't really like to talk about what goes on in my cluster fuck of a brain. A couple things before I go on, my dad died in 02, I was 6. Not an easy thing to handle for a 6 year old I know and i got through it but it haunts me to this day. ( keep that in mind ) I have trouble sleeping when I'm stressed out about something that's going on in that point in my life. When I can't sleep I begin to think, which is not a good thing because it leads to anxiety, depression, and emotional distress. This all adds up and then I get thoughts of "why me" "why couldn't this of happened to someone else." (directed towards the death of my dad) Then I keep thinking. My life would be so much better if I was dead, why can't I be dead. That is all bullshit. Suicide is a terrilbe thing I fucking know that but what pisses me off is that my mind fucks with me telling me it's fine, do it, it's an easy way out. Am I suicidal? No. Mentally unstable? plausible.
I have a great fucking life. I have many close friends and a girl who will soon be my girlfriend and everything is fine. Yet what I don't understand is that why these thoughts always come back. They really knock me down a couple pegs and somedays will be fine and somedays I'll be down in the dirt not able to come up. Maybe I am just overthinking this situation and need to take a "chill pill" also known as the "shut the fuck up I'm trying to think pill." ( I'm thinking that at this point, you as the reader don't understand anything I've said and I apologize I'll try to edit this tomorrow with a clear mind.) So Tech Pb I bid you a farewell.
TL;DR: Fuck off dingleberry
P.S. I feel a lot better after this.
NOTE TO ANY MOD THAT READS THIS: If I in anyway broke a forum rule during this rant please lock it, give me warn, do what you have to do. Just needed to vent and get my head straight.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 02:28 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 03:46 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 06:05 AM
lately, try talking to a close friend it helped me alot and ive always had bad anxiety problems.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 07:28 AM
But I have to say man, you might want to have a conversation with someone close (your girl, or family members) because as its obviously bugging you, it's taking a tole on your life.
I know I'm assuming, but because of the rant, and how you stated that your having problems sleeping, you might even want to go a step further and see a psychologist.
And I know, how most people don't want to see a psychologist, but when my father had a heart attack (3-4 years ago, I had just turned 10 or 11) I said I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially not a psychologist. But my mon, (as intelligent as she is) got my talking to my "dads doctor" about stuff (she really was a psychologist) and I felt better at the end.
But really, suicide is that one taboo place in your mind m, and sometimes you may wander their, but just remember, it's taboo!
TL;DR: talk with close people, maybe see a psychologist because it helps. Suicide = taboo.
Edited by Blade of grass, 08 July 2012 - 07:29 AM.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 10:59 AM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 01:16 PM
Posted 08 July 2012 - 04:34 PM
Many high schools have support groups that meet for students who have lost a family member; if this is offered at your school, I suggest you try it out. You don't even have to say anything; just hearing that other people are going through the same thing will probably help you. Alternately, you can probably find online support forums as well.
Posted 08 July 2012 - 07:05 PM
Posted 09 July 2012 - 09:25 AM
So yeah, my life is fucked, I'll never be normal, and believe me, I've thought of kicking the bucket a couple of times, (Yeah, even at 14) but, I can tell you one thing. IT ALWAYS GETS BETTER.
I am also very resistant to counseling, my adoption parents tried to get me a counselor, but that kind of shit didnt work for me. I just had to make a conscious choice: live life to the fullest. Go out there, be confident, talk to people, because being the quiet one is the worst, being drowned in your thoughts, I do it all the time. But I just got to remember that tommorow I'll make it the best day ever. somehow, someway, make life awesome.
That's all I've got. I've been in your position, I know how tough it is,But you just have to drown those thoughts out with good ones, make life happy, live with no regrets. Hope this helps man.
[bobalis] I will state a theory that the more attractive the person is, the less crappy their piss will taste but it'll still suck
if you lubes tank barrel and hopper you can shoot gooder
Posted 10 July 2012 - 11:56 AM
Posted 11 July 2012 - 02:43 AM
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