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Upstairs neighbor


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#1 PacosTacos88

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 06:06 PM

Dear upstairs neighbor,
While some lucky few in this world get to blame their obesity on bad genes or an imbalance in turkey gravy in their glands, I take it from the empty Hostess wrappers and dead pig carcasses littered around our apartment that you are not one of these lucky few. There are only 16 steps between us and your floor, but somehow you manage to take them all a quarter step at a time and turn them into a never ending backwards moving escalator of stairs that continuously parades on, right past my door. I am well aware of your weight problem, because you consistently come down to pound on our door whenever we have the TV volume passed 2. And while I plaud your exercise, this does not include using the stairs and your cement boots as your personal Stairmaster. I appreciate your very unique skill as I am simply baffled as to how anyone can make it sound like they are stomping up a hollowed out Mount Everest while only living one single floor above me. While everyone else manages to take the stairs and slip out of the building unnoticed, Tv turned up or headphones on, your footsteps pierce through all. And when you finally make it to the top, my imagination runs wild as to what you set down upstairs. Maybe you're dropping 16 pound bowling balls onto your kitchen floor, or maybe it's your massive gorilla arms with cement like fists that crash to the surface. Whatever it is, it's ridiculous and will likely cause more confusion than trying to understand black holes or the meaning of life. Until then, keep it up. You are my alarm clock on late hungover mornings and my source of entertainment when trying to sneak in a mid-afternoon nap.
Thanks,
Second Floor

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#2 kingJurzy

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 07:06 PM

Firsties!!!!

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#3 bigx

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Posted 27 November 2012 - 11:27 PM

Kill them? Make it look like a heart attack? Believable Posted Image

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#4 Kid player

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Posted 28 November 2012 - 09:27 PM

I laughed so hard after reading this!
Hey I play paintball. I like it.


#5 TheGuy

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Posted 28 November 2012 - 10:27 PM

Grease up her stairs
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#6 TheHunterPreist

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Posted 29 November 2012 - 12:22 AM

What the fuck would Kevin Bacon do?
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#7 Antonious

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Posted 01 December 2012 - 12:35 PM

Ahh yes, good ol' Rapid City Chubbies.
They are quite common around here, I've noticed.

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#8 PacosTacos88

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:10 PM

Grease up her stairs



Done.

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#9 TECHDP=)

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Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:15 PM

I like your writing style lol.




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