Well for those of you who are not too familiar with Massachusetts I live in an area known as the "North Shore" Essentially everything along the coast up to New Hampshire. This area is historically famous for its nautical heritage. Cities such as Salem who's seaport was at one point the busiest in the world, Beverly which is considered to be the Birthplace of Washington's Navy, Gloucester which is to this day a busy fisherman's port with "Gorton's Fishery" still active and distributing those awesome sauce fish sticks. It seems like I cant go anywhere without running into a "Fried Clams or Lobster Roll Shack."
Needless to say no matter where I go I can not avoid the ocean...
This is not a problem for most people but for me it begins to cause a plethora of issues.
First: It fucking smells so bad at low tide, decay, salty clay, shellfish and death. Its a stench that can not be aptly described by those who are not familiar with it.
Second: I detest swimming, I have never been the strongest swimmer and being in a large body of water for any extended period of time is not something I look forward to.
Third: I am allergic to lobster, crab, and all those crustaceans. They turn my stomach into a liquid fiery hell factory I shit out bloody diesel fuel covered in aids for a period of a day or two and every cocksucker and his brother want to go out and get a lobstah roll.
Fourth: Fuck the beach, its covered in sand, sand gets everywhere and ruins everything and if its not sand its littred with assholes who think they are "Beach Bums."
Fifth: "Beach Bums" honestly do you people even fucking work. You sit on the sand drinking all day and tan. Get a fucking job they think they are so elitist and entitled oh "Im going to the beach today.
Sixth: A problem but not always. Bathing suits, sometimes you see some nasty shit that you should burn with a jet engine, other times you are pleasantly graced with a female with a very appealing figure.
Seventh: Salt water it's fucking nasty, so many dead things floating around in there, so much garbage and filth I cant believe anyone wants to swim in the ocean also the Atlantic is fucking cold as balls all the time.
Eighth: Seagulls are like rats with wings, they fly around eating everything and pooping on anything they dont, they screech and annoy the shit out of you just as much as the "beach bums" do.
Ninth: Fuck going to the beach, you have to drive there, pay to park find a parking spot lug your shit out find a spot in the sand while a million other people are doing the same thing. Then when you come home everything is covered in sand and nasty and you gotta clean it after you spend an entire day doing something not at all productive.
Tenth: I hate the rich elitist fucks with their big ass 50 foot boats who go up and start blasting music right off shore. You do not own the ocean motherfucker turn it down or I will doggie paddle my shit out there and fuck up your day.
Last: Its always hot as balls. I fucking hate the heat.
Solution, move somewhere with no beach where its always mild and comfortable. Also don't eat crustaceans they fuck up my day.
Edited by bigx, 01 August 2013 - 07:27 PM.