Well, depressing to me at least.
Let me start off with my life story, trust me it's relevant.
As a young child, I wanted to be an astronaut. Yeah, just like every other child.
As I was growing up, I liked to open things and figure out how they work, and with the advent of the internet I wanted to know what job would have me take things apart.
Turns out, that's what an engineer is (essentially).
For the longest time I wanted to be an engineer, I took up the engineering elective in middle school and I'm currently in my 3rd year of the 4 year program in high school.
I always thought I wanted to be an engineer.
And then I took a look at things.
I don't want to be working behind a desk all day.
Sure, it makes bank but what the fuck am I going to do with the money if I'm depressed?
I don't want to be in an anti-social environment.
I think it's because I don't want to grow up.
That's what this rant is about. How I don't want to grow up.
I'm not ready for a desk job, and I don't think I'll ever be ready. I like to be a social guy, and obviously working at a desk doesn't work out for me.
My main goal in life is to make people happy. I really don't like it to see people sad.
So I've considered the entertainment business.
What's not to like about that? It's where I feel like I belong because I don't have to sit behind a desk, doing stuff on the computer.
You get to be in a social environment, you get to make people happy when they see your show/movie/commercial (there's a lot of good ones out there) etc.
Also, I already had a little experience as an extra so I know how the industry works.
Too bad that as a B-Actor you don't get paid much. I don't like that.
Also, I've been trying to get an agent the entire year that I tried it out. I suck too much at acting to be able to get a callback. It also shows how difficult it is to land an agent.
So scratch acting.
Sure, I can play piano, music is awesome and I love it.
Too bad I can't sing.
Piano alone has little to no relevance in the modern music world if you can't sing.
I tried learning guitar.
I guess I can join a band if I'm good enough.
I don't see myself going that far.
Okay, so the 2 main career options that fit my life goal has both reached dead ends.
Honestly, I just cannot see myself as an engineer currently. That may change, and I realize that but right now it's not where I want to take my life.
It seems so boring.
Get engineering job, get money.
grow up with kids
I just can't comprehend that there won't be anything worthwile in my life.
I just can't.
And this is all my Honors Am. Lit teacher.
She's the one that made me realize that my time on this planet is so limited.
And now I want to basically YOLO my life.
I guess I could use some help.
Maybe I should seek a therapist.