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Rest In Peace Mom


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#1 Zhoyle

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:05 PM

Well, in 1998 my Mom, Rena Lailani Hoyle, was diagnosed with cancer. I still do not know what type specifically it was because it was so rare they have no idea how to treat it. So, they took text book rules and treated it like Ovarian Cancer. She had upwards of 20 surgeries, ranging from cutting out the infected area and following it up with chemo to removing her bladder completely and reconstructing it from intestinal tissue. She had had all the radiation a persons body can phiscally take, the last round gave her radiation burns on her lower abdomin that made the skin raw and unable to heal, they fixed it with skin graffs. My Mom went through close to every Chemotherapy drug on the market, including experimental drugs. In the end, thank God for health insurance, because the finally tally was in the 5 millions medical costs. She fought that awful disease for 10 damn years. She was/is/and will always be the strongest person ever in my life. She touched so many peoples lives. She always went to the church and was always ready to help anyone in need. Our front door was always open. Some of my best friends told her she was a better Mom to them then even their own mothers. In the short 16 years that I knew her I never heard an unkind word leave her lips. October 31, 2008; in the early hours of the morning my Dad got a phone call from the hospital saying his wife, my beloved mother had gone on, to a better place, just one week after my parents 26th anniversary. My whole family has been crushed, I was out playing freaking paintball when my Dad needed me most. That night I came home and found out, I wanted to kill someone. I was pissed at my Mom, for leaving us, my Dad for not stopping it, God for giving us this burden and the whole damn world for going on its coarse oblivious to the life changing event that I was going through. But, yet, I found comfort in the fact that she was no longer suffering, for the last month she had been in unbearable pain and no amount of drugs could keep her consious and pain-free. So it was for the better, but and the same time, she won't be there to tie my Tie at Prom, watch me get that diploma or walk down the isle and kiss the bride. The anger and hate is gone, but the pain is still there knawing and it will leave a huge scar. I write this as a way to cope. If you are reading this now, call your mother, and tell her you love her, young guys ,go find her and give her a hug. Below are some pictures of my mom, so you guys can see the most amazing person to have ever touched the lives of those around her, one with my Dad, and one of me when I was like 3. I'm serious, tell your mom you love her, cause when the casket is in the ground, it won't matter that she grounded you or you had that fight, you will know that she loved you and you loved her. That's all that matters once the fat lady sings. Goodnight guys, I have a math test tomorrow, and if my Mom were here now she'd say, "Get off that paintball website and go study! You can't play paintball working at Burgerking."

-Zach

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#2 Zhoyle

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:11 PM

Thanks man. When i got to the funeral home, the highschool, football team, paintball team, and the local shop all sent my family flowers. That and the 17 next texts and 8 new voicemails, it means so much.

#3 SOUP

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:12 PM

your family is in my prayers. I yet to know what it is like to loose a parent and I know how I would feel if it happened. Keep strong and God bless you and your family...

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#4 Zhoyle

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:13 PM

Thanks Soup, I hope you don't have to carry that burden for a good long time.

#5 pballer823

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:15 PM

I am terribly sorry to hear that. I give you the best of luck to you and your family.

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#6 RL_33

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:15 PM

Really sorry to hear something terrible like that happen to anybody especially a fellow baller. Stay strong through this time and she will always be there with you in spirit, i know what it feels like to have a family member diagnosed with cancer( i have three :( )

#7 Vachon

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 08:49 PM

Sorry to hear that...stay strong and keep your chin up.
Btw what you wrote is really touching, you write really good :)
Just keep on prayin'

#8 Cubeman

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 09:05 PM

so sorry to hear that, remember she is in a better place. wish you and your family well. My grandmother passed in May and I remember how it feels. she was my closest grandparent.
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#9 Old Dude PB

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 09:55 PM

So sorry to hear about your loss, Zhoyle. Your note is a wonderful tribute to your mom. She sounds like a great lady.

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#10 uranub132

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 09:57 PM

Im sorry for your loss, but you are right, she is in a better place now which is pain free. Just remember that she will always be watching over you in spirit and that you just have to continue living your life the way she would have wanted you to. God works in funny ways, be happy that she is finally at peace.



#11 Captain Hollywood

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Posted 28 October 2008 - 10:18 PM

I am sorry for your loss man... I too have lost a parent to Cancer. My father, Perhaps my greatest inspiration in life. It has almost been 5 years since he has passed away now.. Your tribute was truly touching, Keep your head up through these tough times, Because in the end It will get better. All your fellow ballers at TechPB are here for you to help you through this.

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#12 NMP

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 12:05 AM

I am sorry to hear of your loss, Zach. I wish you and your family strength and acceptance to get through it well. Study hard, as she had advised you :) . She sounds like a great person.

#13 adrenilanejunkie

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 12:16 AM

I am sorry about your loss your in my prayers and I hope you are able to move on I know it is rough my grandpa dies of cancer my aunt is battling cancer. My mom's side of the family is prone to cancer. My mom is also in bad shape with one kidney that is somewhat functioning and constant back problems and she just got into a car accident. So everyone needs to stop taking life for granted we live we love and we die so appreciate life and live it to its fullest for you never know what will happen. And may God bless you and your family during this time.
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#14 Waffles

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 01:12 AM

Every practice, we have a prayer. A prayer for those of loved ones who have gone, a prayer for family members in trouble, sick, ill.. Next Sunday, practice, I and my team, will pray for you, your mom, and your family.

Never forget~ Rena Lailani Hoyle
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#15 Evil Fingers

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 06:05 AM

Sorry for your Loss and I feel for you man, my 11yr old Godson also passed away back in June 08 and he was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia, he died an hour before his operation, which wouldve cured him.

I miss the lil fella, I was going to go visit him some time this year and introduce him and his older brother to Paintball.

#16 Twilight

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 06:36 AM

I also lost my mother to cancer in December 2000. It's hard to believe that it has been 8 years already. I have grown so much and come so far in those past 8 years that she never got to witness, but I know she would be proud.

I still think about her regularly. I only wish I knew back then how much she means to me now.
Although she is gone, the memories never fade. (and I'm a pretty forgetful guy ;))

Seriously fella's, whatever grudges you may have or if your parents annoy you, brush it aside once in a while... it's just not worth harboring those bad emotions and remind your parents how much they really mean to you.

#17 zack

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 06:51 AM

I am very sorry, we all send luck to you and your relatives.
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#18 Stix

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 08:24 AM

Reading this I literally almost cried. And I don't cry. I will say I love you to my mom when I see here later.
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#19 ericsito19

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 11:32 AM

dude my blessing to you and your family. im here reading this almost in tears. keep your head up and know that she will see you graduate and get married. she'll be watching over.


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#20 Zhoyle

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 06:42 PM

Thank you, thank you all for your support.

#21 Garlic Man

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Posted 29 October 2008 - 07:04 PM

im really sorry to hear that man, RIP and hope that she is having a good time in heaven.
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#22 Zhoyle

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Posted 30 October 2008 - 12:25 PM

Thanks Garlic.

#23 chaldy

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 08:56 PM

im sorry to hear about your mother man, im your age too and i know how you must feel. But, were all here for you. You can even PM me personally if you're feeling sad or just want to talk to someone.
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#24 HeroForADay

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 12:11 AM

My condolences. I too know what its like, and i assure after awhile the pain eases. Just dont live her memory down by doing something im sure she wouldnt want you too.

Best regards.

#25 A.Tech

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 01:08 AM

I was touched man over this, Very sorry for your loss I do know exactly what you are going through with losing a parent and losing Grandparents to Cancer. I am glad she lived so long and fought that horrible diesase. It just pains me too see that Cancer seems to be the only thing that will never be fully stopped in this world next to war. I hope that both can be fixed one day and I hope that people reliese that thank every moment that their parents or grandparents are there because you never know what may happen. I lost my Father, and grandparents in 5-1/2 months last year. The hardest thing anyone could go though before their 23rd Birthday.

Anyways. Just look forward man and never look back. That is what I did and I have done well. Always try to stay social as much as possible and do not tell anyone sensitive stuff about ur mother like I did about my father because there is a lot of scumbags out there that will use it to take you down.

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#26 oerllikon

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 01:26 AM

Always try to stay social as much as possible and do not tell anyone sensitive stuff about ur mother like I did about my father because there is a lot of scumbags out there that will use it to take you down.

Thats just sick for someone to do. I feel for you though, dude. When i lost my grandpa (my other grandpa, i never met, and passed when my mom graduated highschool in 1972), our whole family was crushed. He was a hell of a guy, but he just hadnt been the same person for the last 5 or more years, from dementia. If a loved one passes on a good note, i dont think there is much more you could have done. Instead of hating your parents for grounding you(etc), try to find a new respect for them, because you cant plan on everything. You will feel better about yourself as a whole, unless you dont have a heart.
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#27 masspb

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 06:56 AM

Sorry for your loss man.

RIP

#28 metsfan521

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 08:04 PM

sorry to hear about your loss bro. there is absolutely nothing that can be said to heal your pain. but try to remember all the good times you and your mom had together. time heals all wounds (or at least lessens the pain) so stay strong and honor her memory for a limetime. we are all here for you.

#29 AZNPaintballer9

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 08:47 PM

Man, I'm really sorry for you and your family. All of you are in my prayers, keep it strong and hold your head up high. Best of luck too you and your family.

-Joe

#30 koolkid19

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 09:10 PM

i know how it fells like to lose a part of family just remeber she is in a better place rip
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#31 pbgunner93

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 10:43 AM

So sad, work to make your life the best it can be in her honor. She is in a better place, and you two will meet again some day.
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#32 Zhoyle

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 04:39 PM

Thanks Guys, you all have no idea how much this heps to brighten my day when i read this.

#33 kaz11224

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 04:43 PM

i feel u man i lost a brother and i hurts to loose a family member especially the person who gave birth to u
but thats life sorry to hear ur story
good luck

#34 CoopDrummer

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Posted 02 November 2008 - 05:45 PM

IM very very sorry to hear.... your in my prayers ;)
...

#35 Kiddo

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 01:05 PM

really sorry to hear that man. you'll both be in my prayers.

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#36 paintballer

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Posted 09 December 2008 - 07:29 PM

sorry for your lose I cant immagine how hard it must be

#37 PrometheanFlame

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 05:18 PM

Not that it's a good thing she had to suffer for as long as she did, but be glad at least that you knew your mom's health was failing. It gave you the chance to make sure she knew you loved her. My dad had a heart attack one day and was dead the moment he hit the floor. Just like that. I never got to say goodbye to him or anything. At that time, my life didn't have much direction, but since his passing I've begun working toward a career that he would have been excited about (he was an engineer, I deal with industrial non-destructive testing), and I've had a baby with my wife. It breaks my heart that he never even knew he was a grandpa, and I miss him every day. I'm not at all religious, but I like to think he's still looking out for me and my family. In fact, when my wife was getting put under anesthesia for an emergency c-section to deliver our baby, the ONLY thing that stopped me from panicking was when my mom said that my dad was protecting her and wouldn't let anything happen to her. I don't know why, but I completely believed her when she said that. Strange. I hope that everyone out there realizes how important family is and how precious every single day you spend on this earth with them is. We are promised NOTHING in this life, so take nothing for granted. If you love someone, tell them.

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#38 Sweet V

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Posted 10 December 2008 - 09:27 PM

Your mom would have been proud if she could read your post here. Keep strong man, thats the best thing you can do, keep going and dont dwell on the past. I have also had 2 of my grandparents that I was really close to die of cancer on the past 3 months and I know what you must be going through. Keep solid.

#39 Nics10

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Posted 11 December 2008 - 05:45 PM

R.I.P Rena Lailani Hoyle and my blessing is with you and your family, this story was unbelieveably sad to read and to be honest i tear'd up a little, may your mother Rest In Peace

Edited by Nics10, 11 December 2008 - 05:45 PM.


#40 Zhoyle

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Posted 03 January 2009 - 01:59 PM

I hadn't looked at this in a while. Thanks guys, it really means alot. I'm working on a custom gun project, my personal way to honor her with something I enjoy and love. Needless to say, Christmas was rough, but I've had alot of support. May god bless you all.

#41 -Tc-

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Posted 05 January 2009 - 11:39 PM

The first year is always the hardest. The year my grandpa died of cancer. My grandma was setting the table for chritmass and she set up a spot for him. When supper rolled around, she saw the plate and remembered and just stood there holding the plate crying. It hurts when you think of all the times they missed, but in the end you realize that in the end, the best way to move on is to do somthing special for them. Just so that you know that in the end you never forgot them and that you will always remember them. Somtimes to forget you have to remember all at once.

#42 Peter

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Posted 06 January 2009 - 01:48 AM

wow, that sucks. im so sorry for you. i will pray for yur mom tonight.
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#43 m40kc

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Posted 13 February 2009 - 01:06 AM

Wow, Im really sorry to hear that man.
Tomorrow at school I will have you, your family, and your mother in my prayers.
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#44 MiguelMig24

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Posted 12 April 2009 - 02:25 AM

Im really sorry. I cryed through all three pages and still am. This hit me pretty hard. Im the same age as you and i can't begin to imagine how you feel. I fight with my mom all the time over the stupidiest things and we aren't that close anymore its both of our faults but you've made me realize that life's too short to fight over stupid things. I dont think she knows how much i love her. Thank you for making me realize some things. Your mom was a very strong woman. I really hope your doing ok. Stay strong, keep ballin, and always keep your mother in your heart.

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#45 p8ntballer

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Posted 12 April 2009 - 07:47 PM

im sorry man but that was soo sad!

#46 sergeant spaghetti

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Posted 13 April 2009 - 06:33 PM

Sorry for your loss.
I lost my grandpa to lung cancer a few years ago...He's always there in the back of my mind.
Best wishes to you and your family through these times..Reading this made me want to go hug my momma. :)

#47 Jaker

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Posted 04 July 2009 - 07:06 PM

Reading this I literally almost cried. And I don't cry. I will say I love you to my mom when I see here later.


Yeah, it brought tear to my eyes also..
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#48 Tmaned

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Posted 05 July 2009 - 12:58 PM

My grandma has ovarian cancer, so I hate to say that I may be in the same boat as you soon...

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#49 Newbie123(Dalton)

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Posted 05 July 2009 - 01:07 PM

Sorry for your loss man.. i cant even begin to imagine to feel how you feel. I mean i've lost some family members, but i dont think i could live without my mom.


My condolences to you and your family,
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