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Member Since 09 Aug 2009
Offline Last Active Aug 15 2010 01:40 AM

Topics I've Started

I'm finally a pumper!

10 July 2010 - 03:13 AM

After a year of tossing around the idea of becoming a pumper, but always having something else to spend my money on, it happened: my Ion crapped out.

It happened 5 minutes before my first scenario of the year began, and I spent 3 of those minutes trying to fix my Ion. With 2 minutes to spare, I sprinted up to the pro shop and glanced around the store. I had a small (300 Canuck buck) budget and limited time, so I wanted something that I knew would work with minimum prep.

I spent a minute completing the transaction for a new model SL-6811 with 50 round hopper.
I sprinted back down to my gear bag and spent the last minute loading the hopper and putting my steelie on.

After the opening speech I hurried to the chrono station and was grateful for the incredibly easy velocity changing on my new pump.

So with no grease, oil, or preventative maintenance at all(I already apologized to my marker), I began the scenario.

I expect that my experience was, for the most part, similar to other new pumpers. I got my ass kicked. Time after time, re-insertion after re-insertion, I was eliminated with no more than one elimination to my name for that life. But something new, was that every elimination I got, I KNEW I earned it, I KNEW it wasn't luck*, and I KNEW that my marker didn't make it any easier for me.

My most notable moment of the day was while re-inserting into a hail of paintballs. The position I was re-inserting from was ringed by people on the opposite team, and there were very few safe areas. I decided to try anyways, and ran to a dirt ledge taking no fire, despite there being hostile persons on either side of me. The top of the dirt ledge went right into a very small area of wood, and I scrambled up the dirt to get in there, making myself momentarily safe from one side. I moved a bit through the woods so that I was parallel to a fence which the other team was using for cover, lined the SL-68's sights up, compensated for drop, and pulled the trigger.

I was rewarded with the realization that I had my first roll out.

It happens.

I pumped and pulled the trigger again, this next ball landing right in the middle of my targets back. He put his marker up and moved out of the way. I fired again. The next shot hit a guy in the shoulder, clearly breaking. He turned around and got his buddy to paint check him, and then dawdled, having a conversation. I was getting annoyed at having to wait to fire at this last guy, and risked the wrath of the guy I had just hit by firing again. The shot soared over the recently eliminated mans shoulder and landed squarely on the other guys lens. Perfect. I stood there, feeling pleased with myself, and got hit in the nuts by a renter who was standing a bit to the side of the three guys I had just eliminated.
I laughed at myself, yelled "nice shot", and walked off of the field.

I'm hooked.
My Ion is now retired.

*Except for one time when I literally tripped over a guy in a ghillie suit and still managed to shoot him before he shot me. That was luck. COMPLETE luck.


04 January 2010 - 03:10 PM

I'm eating it right now, tastes sooooooo ggggggooooooooddddddd.

Using bread as a utensil with it is a wonderful thing. It's so tasty.

Right now I'm eating Tim Hortons chili. But I LOVE Stagg chili. I also love home made chili, even though my mom's chili kind of sucks. But I can live with that, because as it's chili, it still beats most foods out there.

Also, maple syrup. I have about three gallons of maple syrup in my house right now, one from Quebec, and two from Ontario. In my opinion, the Quebec one is better. It tastes good frozen, but it tastes better on pancakes or waffles. It also tastes good on...

Bacon. 'nough said here.

Frank Sinatra is awesome. I doubt he tastes good(Being dead for ten years inhibits that), but he has awesome music. I'm listening to "My Way" right now, and it's an addicting song.

And my family's biggest weakness, is red heads. My uncle has married 5 of them already, and had kids with two. My other uncle dated them exclusively before meeting his Brunnette wife. To quote my cousin, "-insert last name- men should not date red heads. Ya'll act weird around them." I can confirm, from extensive experience, that that is true. I'm also about to ask one out. I'm not sure if it's the hair or the attitude, but boy do they drive me wild... If only Alizee was a red head. Even a fake red head. Red heads are crazy fun.

Also, typing simplistically when there is no need for it is fun. Like I am right now. I'm pretty sure that if Sticktodrum, or any other L.A. teachers on here, read this, they will be crying...

...although using the admittedly limited extents of my repertoire of literary skills to achieve a modicum of complexity in the most base of topics is supremely enjoyable as well.

Now I am listening to Avenged Sevenfold: A Little Piece of Heaven; this is a song that is extremely disturbing and covers a wide range of topics, including, but not limited to:

A piece of sample lyrics:
Must have stabbed her fifty fucking times,
I can't believe it,
Ripped her heart out right before her eyes,
Eyes over easy, eat it eat it eat it

She was never this good in bed
even when she was sleepin'
now she's just so perfect I've
never been quite so fucking deep in
it goes on and on and on,
I can keep you lookin' young and preserved forever,
with a fountain to spray on your youth whenever

Yeah, twisted song. You guys should watch the video for it. I can honestly say I laughed through the entire thing. Some of my more gothic friends must be rubbing off on me...
As I typed that though, the song ended and Taylor Swift came on. I love my playlists.

I think I'm done now, with one more thing.
I want a Jeep Wrangler. They are amazing.

Well... I hate sluts. Part 2.

02 January 2010 - 04:49 AM

The oft-mentioned couple, myself, and Jackie were at the same new-years eve party. Also at the party, was a random assortment of people ages 15-24, about thirty all together. It was the first time all year I have been in a room where being straight puts you on the minority, and being both straight and single made me think that the party wouldn't be all that interesting. Boy was I wrong.

After watching the end of the Canada Vs. U.S.A. game(WOOT! CANADA 5-4 BITCHES! 6 GAME WINNING STREAK!), the party slowly started to pick up as more and more people arrived. I was getting along with everybody, despite only knowing three people at first and being at the bottom end of the age bracket. The party really got going about an hour before midnight, when Donna stole my glow-in-the-dark condom(I know, gimmicky.) and disappeared with Eric, which everybody else took as the signal to start doing whatever they want.

Jackie spent almost the entire party walking around in nothing but booty shorts and a bra. She would molest people at the drop of a hat, once all to literally. I was slightly tipsy around midnight, and after counting down she jumped up on me and kissed me. I was too tipsy to care, and actually kissed back. She was shocked I was holding her in the air without struggling. Anyways.

At the party, there were three fat-chicks. Jackie, Eric's older sister, who is almost 300 pounds, and another girl who is well above 300 pounds. They're all the same height, and the last girl is 22 and has only three teeth left. She will be called Porky now.

Turns out, all three of them had boyfriends, I'm assuming through sheer sluttiness, as I saw all six coconuts at some point that night. Not once by choice I might add.

But here is what made every mistake I made that night worth it(many)... Eric's sister(Laurie) got a phone call from her boyfriend(Kelso) at one point in the night. Turned out, not only was Kelso dating Laurie, but he was also dating Jackie and Porky. My use of names from That 70's Show is becoming more apt by the minute. And then, it turned out Kelso lived less than two blocks away from the party we were at. Exeunt three cows.

Predicting what was going to happen, the entire party moves outside for a little bit. Not five minutes later, we see a 5'0, 70 pound boy sprinting for all he is worth down the street with all three girls behind him. If you can't quite wrap your mind around this, picture Indiana Jones running from not one boulder, but three boulders, and then picture the boulders jiggling. You've got this image.

After they ran past, we all went inside and continued the party. Twenty minutes later according to the video camera Donna was running(Which caught me receiving a lap dance from a dude...), all three girls returned, sweaty, out of breath, but oddly happy. I don't know what happened.

Jackie continued hitting on me for another hour, during which I was trying to drink her pretty. It took me three straight shots of whiskey, and I haven't drank in 7 months, not since a friends 18th birthday party(Legal age to buy alcohol here). I have next to no alcohol tolerance now. So I was pretty drunk at that point.

So at that point, Jackie gave me a condom, we disappeared into a broom closet(WITH A PERFECTLY GOOD BED TEN FEET AWAY! FML) to do what she wanted to do.

We come out to much cheering and applause, apparently she was pretty loud. I think I had tuned her out. I was thinking of the show that was on T.V. at the time, if I remember correctly it was a DVD of season two of Drawn Together. How appropriate.

So in the end, Jackie got what she wanted from me. Thankfully, that is the one thing that happened at the party that everybody agreed would never leave it...

...but every single person on my friends list on facebook, including my mother and grandfather, have now received the video of me getting a lap-dance from a guy.

I regret nothing.

This is going to sound arrogant.

30 December 2009 - 07:13 AM

Have any of you ever run into the situation where you know you're good at something, but to say so would sound arrogant? Such as being better at paintball than most of your friends, or better at singing, or better at beatboxing the theme to Scooby Doo, anything.

That's my problem with this rant. I will sound arrogant, and I don't like it. But I guess I'll start anyways.

I have a borderline genius IQ. In grade 9 a teacher gave me an IQ test, and was shocked to find out just how high mine is. 154. According to the test, 160 is prodigy. It means that I process information extremely quickly, that I can absorb and retain information at a level significantly above average, and I can do it more quickly than the average person. It means a lot of stuff, but basically, I'm very smart.

It also means I have no challenge in school. I am in two honors classes, an IB class, and an AP class. I also have Physics class, which I honestly don't bother paying any attention in. I'm cruising by with a 68 right now, and have no motivation to improve it. In my IB social, I have a 79. Enough to stay in IB. Why bother going higher? AP L.A. is the same right now. That is all the school I have at this moment, as a schedule fuck up has me at only two classes a day. Homework is more a courtesy than anything, I get those marks on virtue of my test marks alone, which I do not study for.

I have no interest in University at all. I don't see the point to it. I don't want a desk job, and right now it looks like the Military is where I'm going. I may also do journalism, as I love to write, and to travel. I think I could do both in that job. If I do go the route of Journalism, I would go to University, but even then, it's only because that's what it requires. It's not for any personal reason... I could care less about furthering my education through formal means.

I know it's a problem that I have so little ambition. But everything has always been handed to me on a silver platter by virtue of natural talent alone. I have never had to try for anything. My teachers and parents are always telling me that if I put my mind to something, I could do great things. I do when I enjoy something, but that's it. If it's a physics assignment, why bother? I'm only in physics because I need it to meet the requirements for university, which I am only meeting because my parents require it from me.

As a potential solution to this problem, I have asked my parents for higher level schooling. A private school, or anything with potential to give me a reason to try. They say it's too expensive. My dad is buying a plane next year, and they've already told me "Do not get a job until university is done. We want you to focus on your schooling", but yet sending me to a private school is too expensive. I've told my mom, that as it stands, unless something drastic changes I am not going to University. She said I will be kicked out of the house as soon as I graduate high school if that is the case. The only way they're willing to provide a home for me, is if I am attending a house of learning.

Nice, mom.

At this point, I just don't know what to do. I hate school, the people are boring for the most part and the work I barely need to look at. I am not allowed to get a job, as my parents want me to focus on my schoolwork, which I find pointless. Why focus on somethign I do so effortlessly?

In recent times I've even lost motivation to stay in shape. None of my friends could keep up with me in Paintball, my favorite sport, anyways. Whether in shape or not, I can work the angles too well, and play too tight. I'm not allowed to join a team, as I can't pay for it, and I'm not allowed a job. Honestly, the biggest challenge in my life is finding a girlfriend. But even that just isn't a big deal.

I'm forced to go to a school that is a two hours bus ride from my home, so the few friends I do make there, I can never see.

I have many friends closer to home, but I barely see them during regular school times, as jobs and going to different schools keeps me away from them.

And then I come home and my mom tells me to get a life. Oh, and that I still can't change schools, because mine is "So amazing".

But yet, her perfect A student is still only getting B's. Except when my teachers and mom start riding my ass 24/7 and I put in the little bit of extra effort needed to bump my marks to an A and they back off. Until the next time they get annoyed anyways.

TechPB... I'm frustrated. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm restless, bored, and angry. My writing gets shot down as I finish it, I am not allowed to do the thigns I feel would motivate me to put an effort into anything... fuck.

Oh, and it's 5 A.M. and I'm still awake. So if I am not especially clear, or come of anymore arrogant then necessary, I apologize in advance. I'm going to sleep now. Fuck.

Well... I hate sluts.

27 December 2009 - 02:32 AM

"Befriend the fat chick. All fat chicks have hot friends."
It's very true. But unfortunately, it works the other way too.

The past few weeks I've been hanging out with the couple I mentioned in my "This is weird for me" thread regularly. A few days ago, I met the chicks best friend. Holy. Shit.

The chick I like: , 5'8, 110 pounds(At most), slim, curvy, and just generally very attractive. She's not eyes-popping-out-of-head gorgeous, but she's nothing to sneeze at either. She's on the quiet side, but carries herself well and is very confident.

Best friend: 5'3, 220 pounds(Number she gave me by the way, after she jumped on me and I had a bit of trouble shoving her off and mumbled "How much does this chick weigh"), complete obnoxious slut.

I met her, and did my norm.
*Shake hands* "I'm Centurion, and you're ____, who I've heard so much about right?"
Her: *Bear hug* Yep! I'm ____!

... Fine. Too familiar for my tastes, but some people are huggers. But to hug me, she had to shove my hand out of the way.

So then the 4 of us get on the bus, headed down town.
First thing she(From now on, Jackie) starts doing(Completely sober BTW) is regaling us, and everybody on the bus, with a story(untrue) of how the girl I like(from now on, called Donna) had asked her for a condom a few days before that, and Jackie had given it to her for 5 bucks so Donna and her boyfriend could have sex that day...

Might of been true, except where had they supposedly been when this happened? At Jackie/the boyfriends house(They live together, not related, even by adoption, but his parents took Jackie in when she got kicked out of her own home)
And where were they actually? Donna's house. Hanging out with me. Kicking each others asses at Mario Kart for the N64.

And this story was told at an outside voice level. We were getting disgusted looks from the elderly couple across the length of the entire fucking bus. PEOPLE WITH FUCKING HEARING AIDS COULD HEAR IT FROM ACROSS THE BUS!

This chick kept flapping her cockholster with similar BS fabrications the rest of the trip, despite repeated "SHUT THE FUCK UP"s from the boyfriend(Who will no just be called Eric) and "Jackie! Please stop saying shit!"s from Donna.

20 minutes later, we transfer to a different bus. This is one of those big double buses with the bendy center. Three seats available, Jackie and Eric sit together and I offer the last seat to Jackie. She turns it down, so I sit.


She jumped on Eric(And Donna Simultaneously), hurting both of them, and then had the gall to get pissed off when they both screamed "GET THE FUCK OFF" at the same time. And then she canned me with her head while she was rolling her globe shaped turdcutter off of them.

She got all pouty and stormed to a different part of the room.
Eric took me aside and asked me to be a bit nicer to her(WHAT!?), as she had just lost her hamster, and was distraught. It's no fucking excuse, but whatever. I'll put up with the cow to make him and Donna happy.

After he's done talking to me, we hear Donna burst out laughing.
Apparently Jackie had been flirting with me the entire day(at this point all of an hour), and was pretty sure I was agg because I didn't have my eyes transfixed to the low cut shirt that barely managed to hide her flabby baby-feeders and her stomach, which by the way, faintly resembled Jabba the hutt.

Jackie though, chose to believe that all of them had somehow been mistaken, and that I'm a closet homosexual. This will be important later.

She continues this behavior throughout the entire 40 minute bus ride. Multiple times, she tries to sit on one or more or all of us, she makes up shit about all of us and loudly tells the world, and continually complains EVERY time the lovely couple whom she had begged to hang out with(Donna and Eric for you slow people) show any sign of affection towards each other, whatsoever. Compliment? "SHUT UP!" Tickling? "STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER!" Cuddling(on a long bus ride and they're sitting next to each other...) "GET OFF OF EACH OTHER!"

It's fucking annoying to listen too. I can't imagine being them and dealing with it.

This basic behavior continues the next while. Donna, Eric, and myself all get along just fantastic, while Jackie is best compared to a tumor on a supermodel.

A few hours later, while we're leaving some weird reptile pet shop that's run by metal heads, Jackie decides to get cozy. Problem is, is that it's me she decides to get cozy with. She wraps her arms around me and starts going "I'm so cold! You're so warm!" Next time, bring more than a skimpy tank top and light jacket in the middle of winter, ya dumb cunt. That's what's running through my head. I just say "I like my space. Let go." The tone I said it in got my point across, and she backed off again. For 5 minutes. This kept happening until we went inside. It started up again every time we went outside.

We go into a cheap theater to watch zombieland(Yes, it's still in cheap theaters), but found out that we'd have to wait two hours for it. So in the mean time, we snuck into a bolly wood flick. I was last into our seating row, but went out of my way NOT to sit next to Jackie. Who was third in, so I had to walk right past her and the other two to do it, making it obvious what I was doing. She got out of her seat and followed me. I decided to put up with it. We sit through that movie, Jackie keeps talking and texting(FUCK! THE MOVIE WAS GOOD TO!) She purposely stops every attempt Eric makes at getting any from Donna(More entertaining then the movie for me...), but eventually the couple snuck off. They came back slightly disheveled. I lol'd. Jackie never noticed. Dumb bitch.

So then we went into Zombie land. This time, the seating was the same, except reversed.

Jackie: Time for the last test to see if he's agg!
She leaned over and tried to kiss me.
I strong armed her out of my face, stood up, and hissed something along the lines of "Never touch me again you STD ridden slut".
Her snout almost kissed me. DO NOT WANT. Fuck. I had made it VERY obvious all day I wasn't interested. Then, 8 hours after meeting me, she tried to kiss me.

The excuse that she gave Donna for her behavior was that "She wasn't used to people NOT hitting on her"
I don't believe that shit. There is no way, that every single guy she has ever met, has been so desperate as to throw themselves at a chick who weighs as much as a baby elephant, and whose face resembles a baboons ass. It's always red, and it smells. Some chicks who look like that might have an amazing personality, but she was a complete bitch. I have never been so repulsed by a single girl my age before.

I know some of you will call me agg for resisting a girl who made herself so open like that. But here is my train of thought: We have several mutual friends, who I'm just becoming better friends with. And she would of been INCREDIBLY easy... which makes me think, how many other guys have taken advantage of her sluttiness? I'm clean. I'd like to keep it that way.

Fuck. I thought I was getting pretty desperate(I've been single for WAY to long now), but there are definitely worse things than bachelorhood. Like Jackie.

Fat, obnoxious, ridiculously easy chick who threw herself at me and treated everyone around her like crap. DO NOT WANT