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Member Since 10 Oct 2008
Offline Last Active Oct 18 2014 03:47 PM

Topics I've Started

People on the Bus.

22 February 2013 - 01:24 AM

I already ranted about the bus, even though it was fucking 10 minutes late today, and it was raining, and the guy is a prick and I hate him, I think I found the true problem with the bus.

People who ride it are dicks, all of them, fuck ALL of them, I hate them, I hate them so god damn much on so many levels, most of them shitty, terrible levels.
So, here I am, riding this big yellow dick-mobile full of awful people, it's busy, of course it is, it's the 12:20 bus going north, everyone wants to go somewhere.

Now, there is a woman, I'll call her stupid fucking bitch-faced dick cart wheeler of shit, or Asshole for short. If you've ever ridden a public bus, then you know there is usually a group of seats meant for the elderly, disabled and anyone who needs a seat close to the front so they don't have to climb over shit, when the bus is empty, it's perfectly acceptable to sit there, but when there are no other seats other then ONE FUCKING handicapped seat, and you take it, then I hope you sit on a pin that is infected with an STD because you deserve it, but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, I see Asshole a lot, she always rides the bus I ride when I'm going to work, but today, the bus was super packed for what the fuck ever reason, really, does it matter? The bus is terrible regardless, why not add some dead cat to your bowl of goat shit, won't make it any worse if it's already at the bottom, right? Anyway, so as I get on the bus, I walk my ass over to the back, which is of course full of people shit, because yeah, just leave your bag in the aisle, no problem, I'll just hopscotch over that. So as I ride the bus, we come to a stop, an elderly man gets on, the Handicapped seating is full, of course there is one guy who is perfectly fine, but won't get up because, hey, why not suck even more? So the elderly man walks by Asshole.

Let me paint you a picture, the Bus uses a 2x2 system for seating, meaning there are two seats on both sides and an aisle in the middle, Asshole puts her bag next to the window and sits in the other seat, now, this would be dickish enough, even if the bus was empty, as your basically saying "I'm riding the bus, yes, but I don't want to sit next to anyway, because fuck you" But she is doing this, while an elderly man walks by and has to stand, BECAUSE YOU WON'T MOVE YOUR UGLY, FAT FUCKING FACE, god damn shit eating dick gobbler. And I swear she gave him a shit-eating grin as he walked by, I didn't see because I was too busy trying to find a way to punch her in the back of the head without anyone noticing, or at least spin it to where I could play it off "Oh, yeah, you had a spider, so I punched it" but no, I know this guy, I see him around, and sometimes we talk, he has terrible arthritis in his knees, and can't stand for long, and this CUNT doesn't want to sit next to someone, god fucking forbid she should compromise or be slightly uncomfortable because she wants both seats for her ugly-ness, and it wasn't a large bag, it was a fucking small purse full of the souls of puppies and kittens she's stolen.

If this doesn't hit home, think of it this way, imagine you go to the grocery store, it's Payday and the store is fucking PACKED, and some dick in a hummer not only parks in a handicap, but he just drives in to the spot and takes up three spots at once, and now someone on crutches has to park in the back and walk up, because someone felt they were more important, "Why should I be inconvenienced? I'm center of THIS universe, bitches! Get used to it!"

And it's not just her, others do it too, you know who they are, and they aren't the only ones who make the bus as much fun as getting a prostate exam by someone who's fingers are as large as toilet paper rolls.

Hey, I have an idea, when we ride the bus, let's take everything we own and put it in the aisle! Yeah! Because, fuck everyone else, they can just teleport back there, and let's bitch and cry when our shit gets stepped on! I'm going to tell you all a very true thing that happened a few days ago.

Some twat decides that he doesn't want to hold his bag, so he puts it in the aisle, and again, the bus is packed at that time of day, so people are standing, so instead of putting his bag on his lap, no one can stand within 20 feet of it or he'll fucking piss himself and cry, because "You're going to step on it, bro!" He pulls this shit all the time, so as I walk by, he's dicking around on his shitty Iphone, and I "Accidentally" step on his ugly bitch bag, he doesn't even notice that I heard and felt something go "Snap" to this day I really hope it was the medicine to some horrible disease.

Anyway, the bus is shit, don't ride it.


05 February 2013 - 04:08 AM

If you take anything, and I mean ANYTHING from this rant, let it be this.

Internships are bullshit.

In every regard, they are complete, unfiltered, bullshit.

For those of you who do not know what a Internship is...

An internship is where You, a person who is interested in a specific career field, but does not currently have all of the skills or knowledge necessary to do such job, and even if you DO, you need the piece of paper you spent thousands of dollars on and that will put you in debt for the rest of your life that says you DO have that skill. An Internship is supposed to give you the training and skills needed to preform the job you would like to do, so if you're currently in Medical School or Business Management, you may be offered an Internship to work in the field with your peers, gaining valuable knowledge.

That is how it's supposed to work, but it doesn't work that way in reality, it never does.
Basically how it actually works is you work for free, and that's it, it's slave labor, if you're one of the very, very few people who get a paid internship, then congratulations, go fuck yourself, for the majority of you, it's almost always a waste of time. A few points.

1) If you accept an Internship, what is probably going to happen is that you're going to learn jack shit, if you don't know anything about the field, you're going to learn very little, most Internships involve doing chores, such as going of coffee runs and doing small errands, if you want to manage a business later on, and you happen to be working in a large corporate office, don't expect to talk to the supervisor about his techniques on developing relationships with his or her employees so that they work more efficient, because he wants his coffee, with creme.

I know there are many people who did actually learn more then how to properly deliver 30 coffees to the paid employees, but I've known well over thirty people who went to an internship to give them a leg up on the competition, I think three of them walked away with something, the others spent weeks or months giving a corporation free labor that could have gone to someone who needed the money.

2) Internships are rather unfair, paid internships are amazing, you get to do something that you love and get paid to do it, but odds are, you probably aren't going to be paid, can you support yourself while you do the exact same job that someone else gets paid for, but for free? Most of you can, if you're living with family or friends that have jobs and can afford to pay for you, there you go, you too can learn all about the harsh realities of life. Of course, while you think you can put it on your resume that you helped build a Wordpress site for a small business, I want you to think about a few things.

3) They are making money off of your labor, I see all the time, business are looking for "Website Interns" to build them a website and get the fuck out, they use that website to generate profit, and you don't see a dime of any of it, you don't get a paycheck, you go in, build their site and you get the fuck out, they have a guy to maintain it, they just didn't want to pay him to make it, they have Interns!

and finally...

4) Your internship probably doesn't mean much to anyone. I used to be a intern for a small IT business, they specialized in setting up networks for other businesses, and they wanted an Intern to do some light work and learn about the trade, being a Computer Scientist, I thought this would be a great opportunity, I could put it on my resume and have something to show to a potential employer.

It lasted two weeks, and it was fucking awful, every day I hated it, I went to ONE job, ONE fucking job, and I ran cables, my "Supervisor" would do all the technical shit, the shit that I wanted to do, because I spent my life learning how to fucking do it, and he gave me a job, take this Cat6 cable to the end of the room and plug it in the wall. Which I did.

He then finished up, said goodbye to the owner and we both left, he said I did a great job of shoving my thumb up my ass and watching him do everything, was a proud moment in my life.
To this day, it's almost unbearable to watch others go through what I did, I didn't learn anything new, I already knew how to do everything they didn't bother to teach me, I just say around and did a few odd jobs, I fetched coffee, occasionally I would do some Data Entry, and sometimes, I would even get to sit in on a meeting! Wowzers!

Seriously, don't do that shit, it's slave labor, unless you can guarantee that you'll be learning SOMETHING, which you probably can't, get the fuck out, get out and run far, far away. Ques Ques Que.

This rant is short and shitty because I hate all of you and my feet hurt, mostly because of the feet part.

God damn bus.

22 January 2013 - 03:34 AM

I hate public transportation, I hate every aspect of it, maybe it's just Hawaii, but on the Island of Oahu, we have ONE bus line, TheBus, yes, they called it TheBus, because why not? They are basically contractors for the government, they are a private business who runs the public transport, their are cabs, but they're expensive as a high-quality hoe and don't go everywhere, on the other hand, the bus costs about 2.50 or 1.75 if you're a child or someone who looks young enough to pass (Me)

So, here is how it works, TheBus comes once an hour, it's never early and always late, unless you count on it being late, then it's on time, so if you need to be at the stop at 10AM, you better damn well be there, because if you think "Ah, its always late, I'll go in like five minutes" It''ll turn in to that episode of Spongebob where he keeps missing the bus, except you're going to be late for work, and also you're fucked.

Now, the bus is shitty because of a few reasons.

A) It doesn't go everywhere.
If you look don't care to look at a map, imagine an Oval, on the bottom right of that oval is Honolulu, on the bottom left, Ewa, in the middle is Mililani, now Mililani is pretty much the transit station of the island, if you get there, you can go anywhere, except Ewa. You see, you need to go to Honolulu, then backtrack to Ewa, instead of just going straight to Ewa, which is a heavy residential area, because fuck those guys who work in Mililani and live in Ewa, you have to add about an hour of travel time, pretty much fisting you in the ass and charging you money for it.

B) It takes for-fucking-ever
Now, imagine in the top middle of the oval is Haleiwa or North Shore, a popular tourist spot, now, you want to drive from Mililani to North Shore, that's about a 20 minute drive without traffic, which is usually during business hours, on the bus, without traffic, it's about 45-50 minutes to an hour of transit time, for less than 10 miles. "Of course, Wolfwood" you say. "It has to stop to pick everyone up!" Yeah, and how about you have a fucking express bus that goes from town to town, TheBus? You have a express WITHIN Honolulu! Honolulu is smaller than a nats dick! You don't need THREE express busses going to locations that are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER, DICK FACE.

The thing is, they USED to have that, but they cut back on spending to increase profits, which is why it's a pain in the hemmeroids to get to Ewa and it takes so long, there are only ever two buses on the same line that go as a round trip, so for me to get from Wahiawa or Mililani, I need to take the 52 going North, which is easy, but there are only two 52s on the road, usually by the time one of them is leaving North Shore, the second one is on it's way, but if shit hits the fan, which it always does, they just get clumped together, resulting in people being late for work. Let me set an example.

I work on the North Shore, and I need to go through Wahiawa to get there, Today, the bus driver had a stroke or something, causing the bus to be late, since their are only two busses, I'm going to be waiting a fucking hour for the next bus to come by, and if one of the busses is slow, the two arrive literally next to each other, this is called "TheClump" This fucks over everyone because now, I'm going to be running an hour late, to avoid this, I need to go an hour early, so now I have jack shit to do until my shift starts, and this happens all the god damn time, so now everyones late, the Bus Driver is laughing his ass off and I'm trying to convince the other passages to tip over the bus like a cow.

C) It's shit.

This happened literally about 8 or so hours ago, I was waiting on TheBus, and it never came, it just did not come, I checker Google Transit, it said everything was fine, I looked at their website, everything was fine, I was lucky that a friend of mine was headed my way and I got a lift, but I later found out that the bus was "Delayed" which means it's not coming, it's just not, you won't see it for an hour. What was the delay? Fuck if I know, I found this out at 3pm, I was waiting for the 11am bus.

Fucking. Bullshit.

Yeah, no, don't TELL anyone trying to get to work that the bus isn't coming and MAYBE they should make plans to get where they need to go, maybe so they can call wherever their going and give them a heads up, no, fucking that noise, leave them in the dark. And the worst part? They won the 2007 "Public Transit award for Excellence" They have that sticker on every bus, like it's laughing at my face, like, that shit won an AWARD, for EXCELLENCE.

The only thing it does excellent is pissing me off, I need to get to work, why the fuck aren't their more busses you greedy cunts? I understand you don't want to have too many, but come the fuck on, this is NORTH SHORE, It's the third most popular tourist attraction, second the Waikiki and the raging meth problem, what the fuck guys? You got an award? For what? Fucking over the most customers on a daily bases?

And can you believe they charge 2.50 for that? and SIXTY DOLLARS a month for a bus pass? Fuck that noise, It's cheaper to hang on the back on a skateboard like in Back to the Future.
And with all this bitching about how I'd rather ride in the back of a shit farmers truck, is that I'm going to use you tomorrow, and the day after that, just so I can get to work, you monopolistic fuck faces.


How to work Retail.

25 October 2012 - 08:35 AM

For some of you, Retail jobs are the first stepping stone in your career, quite a few of you may start out shilling over-priced televisions and computers and then fucking your customer right in the eye socket with warranties that fix jack-fucking-shit and software that nobody after the Reagan administration would ever use.

So, to prepare you for your firsts steps to becoming a responsible adult, I am proud to bring you another "Wolfwood's How to suck at life. A How-To Guide"

First, find a company that reflects your personal tastes and preference and also has opportunity to grow.*

*If you're a hipster, just apply to any Apple Store, Urban Outfitters, Indie Music/Coffee Shop, Underground Clubs, Hipster Glasses Co, ect

Once you realize that advice is full of cat piss and rainbows, find any company that's hiring a job that a dead person can do slightly better, and apply.
Assuming you get hired (You probably won't, because you're terrible at everything, but just roll with it) Make sure to put your best face forward, here are a few Guidelines to help you get started.

Don't Bathe
This is important, make the entire experience awful for everyone involved, Co-workers will hate you and customers will think someone literally shat you out, bonus points for wearing dirty, stained clothing.

Talk Down to the Customer
Make sure all your advice is condescending, remember, extra points for pretending you know jack shit and try to get the customer to buy something far inferior, such as telling myself to buy a circa 2005 AMD CPU instead of a Intel i7, you fucking cow.

Hate what you do.
Always complain to everyone you ever see about how much your job sucks, loudly.
If you have a family, complain that you shouldn't have to work an easy do-nothing job who's only requirement is that you have a pulse, if you have friends, which is unlikely, bitch about how you have no time left anymore, get punched in the face by your former friends.

Just walk away.
When dealing with a customer who just won't go away, just leave, just say "Oh, I'll go grab that" and never return, just go in the back and take a nap, fuck that guy, not like he's dieing for a new motherboard or that woman's kid isn't in a hurry to get a new car seat, just put it in the glove box, it'll be fine.

Quit after three months.
When you quit after three months because you're a worthless saucer of goat urine who can't handle people, make it a big deal, like you broke away from "The Man" and currently flipping off the establishment, because you don't need a job! You have your parents!

Ha! No, seriously, they don't love you, your ass is going to be homeless.


I have seen far to many "Comedians" that just try to hard to be someone else, you may not know this, but I fucking love comedy clubs, but for the past six or seven months, everyone is trying to be...

A George Carlin.
B Louis C.K
C Shit

I'm not going to go in to the "Be yourself kids, and everyone will like you!" speech, but seriously, most of them don't directly steal jokes, but they basically rip off the entire act.

I've seen about 4 guys try to be like George Carlin, they joke about how the Government hates you, how the establishment is designed to jab a needle in to your urethra, and sprinkle jokes about it throughout.

And I've seen well over 10 people rip off Louis Family-Themed crude humor, they'll tell a story about how their child shat in to the schools ventilation system and started WWIII, or how their wife decapitated the baby-sitter because women, amirite?

Seriously, I'm not saying you have to do something NO ONE else has done, although it wouldn't hurt, make up your own routine and stop trying to grasp at what's popular.

Except Dane Cook, fuck that guy, seriously, if you have the power, ruin his career, I hate his stupid homely face, it's crooked and looks like he head-butted a belt sander.


As a (probable) final statement on parenting, I'm just going to say this.

Fuck it.

This has been debated to death for fucking years, it's tired, I'm tired, everyone is tired, fuck all this shit, ruin your kid however you like, use the TV as a baby-sitter, don't use a car-seat, put it in a cage, have baby cage-fights, I just don't care anymore, I'm so sick and tired of debating this, because it's not worth it.

There are about four topics you can't discuss with people, Parenting is number four, you can't, if you don't have children you "Don't Understand" if you do "My child is different/unique"

No, fuck you, fuck your kid, your child isn't "Unique" unless by "Unique" you mean "Jams crayons up it's nose" then yes, your child is Unique, in a sense that it's much stupider then other children.
I don't know, maybe your child won't become a complete fuck up like some other children this generation, it's unlikely, but I don't care, keep it away from my kin, and feed it popcorn kernels, I just don't care.

I Quit your "Debate" you can have it.

Signing up for this shit!

18 October 2012 - 03:23 AM

I am so sick and tired of signing up for shit, you cannot download an app, use a service or order from a site without spending 10 minutes signing up for something you may never use again.

For example.

Want to buy something from, say, ANSgear? Or some other brick-and-mortar store, you have to sign up for an account which means you need to;

Enter your email.

Use the same password you use for everything else, because seriously, are you going to remember 30 different passwords for every bullshit thing you have to sign up for?

Find out the password needs to be at least 8 characters long.

Hit the keyboard.

Add the numbers "1" or "2" until you meet the fucking quota.

Add a security questions, because people are just DYING to get in to your "Yummy Tummy Hot Dogs and Ham Emporium" account.

Enter in the bullshit captcha that doesn't work until the third time.

Go to your email provider.

Confirm your account.

Go start your order all the fuck over again because it didn't save it because It's a stupid piece of cat shit.

See? It's bullshit, I need more fucking accounts like I need an active grenade in my eye socket, and it's not like you're going to be on the edge of your seat, waiting for their shitting mailing list to send you shitty "Deals" and "Exclusive" offers, you know what I do? I block every single fucking email from my inbox, it all get's insta-trashed because fuck you for making me do that.

If you want someone to create an account to buy something from your shitty site, have the option to pay through Amazon and use my Amazon info or some shit, fucking anything but this.
And it's not just buying shit either, if you want to use 90% of apps on, say, Android, you have to sign up for a shit ton of fucking accounts just with them, because, why not, I want more stupid fucking emails from a site i used ONCE in my lifetime.

And what's the deal with businesses asking for your email and/or phone number? If I go in to a coffee shop for an overpriced coffee because I'm too snobby to go to Starbucks, why do you need my Phone Number? Eat shit, I always give them the old "555" number, they know it's fake, but they don't care, they don't even want to enforce it, they have to, because they want to track and see if you give them good reviews on Yelp or some shit.

It's not like anyone should care about Yelp anyone, it's about a bunch of privileged entitled dickwads praising large corporations for shitting all over them, and complaining how the small local place didn't have their brand of Chai.

And I'm serious about that one, I've seen reviews just like that, where people will absolutely trash a place for not having a specific brand of what-the-fuck-ever, it sickens me, and people take these reviews seriously? I take them about as seriously as Youtube comments, which is not at all, but apparently it's gospel to people who can't be spontaneous and just go somewhere without having to read reviews, sure, it may be shitty, but at least YOU know it's shitty, and not "Shitty" as in "They didn't play the latest pop/punk/emo soundtrack that you like, LOL I'm such a nerd for them!!!11"

God, I can't even concentrate, fucking Pandora keeps playing shitty pop "FEEEEEELINGS, LOOOOOVE HEEEEEEEEER OR HIIIIIIIIM, FEEEEELINGS SOOO MANY FEEEEELINGS, BEING A TEEEEEEN IS SOOOOOO HAAAAARD, BEEECAUSE LOOOOVE" GAG, fuck this noise, but of course it plays like, 8 shitty songs in a row, now I have to listen to three more, better then Youtube or 8tracks I suppose...

Anyway, everyone I mentioned above can go eat fire n' such.

Before I go, I just need to say that shit like Gangam style really needs to stop, I get it, I really, really do, it's a Korean guy doing silly things, it was funny when it came out, now you thick-skulled idiots ruined it, let it die like Slenderman, LMFAO, ect.

Please, stop ruining good things, it's all we have, you can't just come in, declare yourself a "Nerd" and call everything the internet makes interesting and just hate puke all over it.

Brings back memories, though, most of you don't know, but back in cave-man times (Circa 1990, the best decade, obviously) being a "Nerd" "Geek" or "Dork" was a social life sentance, didn't matter what you looked like, how you spoke or what else you did, you could jump over fire sharks with fricken' lasers on their heads in your back yard on your ATV and it wouldn't matter, you were basically fucked for a good number of years, now, of course, everyone's a "Nerd" "LOL, I USE THE INTERNET AND I POST SHITTY MEMES I FOUND ON 9GAG BECAUSE I'M TOO MUCH OF A SCARED BITCH TO LURK ON THE BOORUS LOL, SUCH A NERD!!!!"

But that's fine, you can all come over here to our domain and shit around and act like you've been here all the time, we know you're only here to be "Cool" like the other sheep who do whatever it is their peers do, that's all fine, because we know when the inevitable "Punk" scene comes back, the whole heard will wander over there, and everything will be right in the world.

Or go Amish, that would be cool too-for fucks sake, Pandora, do I really look like a Limpbizkit fan to you? Eat shit and die, fucking box.

God damn, I'm not even done with these forms I have to fill out.

And that's another thing, fuck you and your "Fax" machine, seriously, fuck it to hell, throw it out, it's stupid and bullshit.

You know what I love doing? I love typing up a three page long novel of paper work.

Putting it in the Fax machine, dialing the phone, watch the machine eat the paper and force the guy on the other end to reprint what I just sent him.

You know what would be e-fucking emails, seriously, people, it's the Year 2012, if you force me to fax shit to your business for any reason, I'm going to light every one of your fax machines on fire, every god damn one of them, yeah, I know it's another "Oh no, Wolfwood is ranting about fire world problems hurp deer" Have you ever used a Fax machine? Their fucking bullshit, go try and find one, go on, find one, now try to send a piece of paper to some poor sod who also happens to have a Fax Machine, can't find anyone with a Fax machine? Me neither, you have to ask the two owners left in the world.

I'm emailing you this shit, and you're ass can print it out, I'm not going to waste the ink from OUR printer just to waste ink from YOUR fax machine, it's inefficient and silly, and no one should have to deal with that, you know how much money you could save of Fax machines and Fax ink/toner? Enough to buy a shitty computer with a shitty printer to print out whatever the fuck you wanted faxed.

End of First World Problem rant, but the beginning of something greater.